Maddy’s growth report:
8/18/03 6 pounds 1/2 oz; 19 inches
9/03/03 6 pounds 14 oz; 19 3/4 inches
10/15/03 10 pounds 9 oz; 22 1/2 inches
Got three shots today… Her reactions:
1) Face in shock
2) Slient for 3 seconds
3) Let out some loud screams/cries.. The nurse said “she has good lungs”
4) Fell asleep 1 minute later
Since I am not sure how she is responding to the shots (might get some fever), I have been picking her up when she cries during her nap time to check on her and just given her some extra ‘love’.
I really don’t like all the physical changes this pregnancy had ‘blessed’ me with: my now saggy tummy, my nursing boobs that hurt so bad sometimes I can’t even sleep, and the never-going-away carpal tunnel syndrome. How I ‘used’ to be a very fit long distance runner, now I feel like a disabled person. Sometimes it scares me because I’m not sure how long I can still hold Maddy with my bad wrists when she’s growing like there is no tomorrow.
Pastor Howard gave a very applicable sermon yesterday: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness…For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Cori 12:9-10) It’s a constant reminder for me that my strength comes from the Lord. Any one can be a mom.. but if I strife to be a ‘Godly’ mother, then I need to depend on God and seek wisdom from Him.
I woke up at 5:30am shocked at the fact that Maddy hasn’t woken up yet… she slept all the way until 6:00am after the midnight feeding! On the down side, she chose to cry continuously again during her nap time and refused to go down to sleep on her own.
I felt so disappointed at her setback, and can’t seem to be joyful at the fact that I got 5 hours of non-stop sleep.
So I have decided not to take all these things so seriously. My responsibility as a mom is to help her reach different milestones and set the limits for her whenever necessary. It’s not my place to ‘make’ her be successful whenever/wherever “I” feel like it. It might take a friend’s baby two days to be sleep trained, but it could very well take two years (oh god, please no) before Maddy is sleep trained (or anything else). She has her own timing for everything.
God didn’t make her so that she will be exactly like me and she will do everything I wish her to do. God delights in her just the way she is… a little chubby, a little stubborn, and a little greedy when it comes to meal time.
I should enjoy her the way she is too. It will be hard when her crying does not stop or when she insists on being fussy for no particular reasons, but I will learn to be patient and thankful… There are so many little blessings she brings me when I forget about all the ‘projects’ I put her on.
After three weeks of continuous crying during her nap time, Maddy has finally learned the skill of falling to sleep by herself!! Praise God!
It’s been three very tough weeks for us both physically and emotionally. There were the fatigue, headaches, and fevers that came with Maddy’s non-stopping crying for at least one hour (except the short minute when we were patting her and trying to calm her down) every nap time.
There were the uncertainty, disappointment, and anxiety of not knowing if Maddy was ever going to learn to fall asleep on her own.
At 4:30-5:45pm nap time yesterday, she gave two two-minute breaks. I know, I know, four minutes doesn’t sound like anything, but trust me, compare to the ‘no-minute-at-all’, four minutes were great.
At 11:00-12:00 midnight nap time yesterday, she stopped crying after 30 minutes and slept through the rest of the nap time!
And this morning, she ONLY cried 5 minutes before she drifted off to her sleep!!! I was in such disbelief that I had to go into her room and see if she was still ‘alive’.
Mommy and daddy are very very VERY HAPPY!!!
I never really enjoyed shopping for clothes for myself. Usually it’s more of a chore for me than anything else; however, I absolutely love shopping for Maddy. Maddy is outgrowing many her current wardrobe (most of them gifts from friends and family), so I am enjoying picking out every little outfits for her next stage.
My favorite stores to shop:
1) Baby Gap…. for everyday outfits. Good deals on the sales rack but overpriced for regular racks
2) Janie and Jack…. for very pretty outfits. Majorly overpriced all the time even on the sales rack, but I gave in to temptations once or twice because their stuff is WAY too adorable.
3) Macy’s basement…. wide selection from cheap to expensive. I only get them when they go on the major sales though.
4) Ross…. No sales needed. Always awesome prices and sometimes I get lucky and find stuff from Janie and Jack, Ralgh Lauren, Tommy, or Little Me in the baby section. It’s a little unpredictable with their stock and I have to sort through all kinds of junk to find the goodies. However, for the price they ask, it’s worth it.
p.s. I got a package from my mom today after shopping for Maddy. My mom sent me 6 shirts, and said that she noticed I didn’t have enough stuff to wear when she was here (according to her). It’s so ironic… here I am going around spending probably too much money on Maddy’s clothes (I can’t help it; I want her to look cute).. and my mom had to go shopping for her 31 year old daughter. I am starting to understand why she won’t stop buying me stuff when I had told her repeatedly that I don’t need her to buy me anything any more.
I had a couple of email correspondences with Tania (who has a 15 month cute daughter Natalie) about sleep training. She told me about the tough times she had to go through to train Natalie to be a ‘good sleeper’. I feel really comforted. Like her, sometimes I feel like the whole world is ‘against’ Joe and me. Our moms tell us how we were raised ‘rocking to sleep’ and ’slept with them’; some people think we ‘abuse’ them and one friend even made a remark as ‘raise her like a orphan’. And with Maddy’s ’slow’ progress due to her stubborn nature, I can’t even begin to dream about her sleeping through her short nap time.
Tania reminded me to celebrate the little victories. As I look back on the past two weeks (when we really started to train her), I do see some little ‘improvements’:
1) I’m able to calm her down with some talking and touching without picking her up from the crib 70% of the times now (In the beginning, she will NOT stop crying unless someone picks her up) Now I just have to work on her ’staying’ calm after I leave.
2) We’re on the Eat-Activity-Sleep routine more consistently
3) She slept through more than 40 mins of her nap time after I swaddled her like a egg roll today.
Tania is so right about another thing. She mentioned that it doesn’t matter how many ‘books’ we study, the only thing matters most at the end is that we study our children. I take pride at being able to differentiate Maddy’s cries (well, not totally yet, but I can tell the difference between I-have-gas and pick-me-up cries now). And I can sort of tell when Maddy is tired and just needs a little hugging and rocking. A couple weeks earlier, I was so upset when she cried because I didn’t know what was wrong with her.
Little steps… little victories… We are moving towards the right direction after all!!
Maddy was fussy after 3:00am last night. After I breast fed her, she still seems SO hungry (yea, this mommy cow can’t keep up with her little piglet) While trying to burp her, she threw up on my hair and my shirt, then she screamed like she is about to starve to death while I changed her diaper. Finally, she’s half content with her formula. Just when I thought things might turn out ok, our other kid Brownie decided to pee in Maddy’s room. She started doing that just about two days ago… definitely out of jealousy and seeking attention.. Of course, I had to clean that up. By the time I finished cleaning and feeding Maddy, Maddy is totally awake and alert and stared back at me as if she’s waiting for me to entertain her. I wanted to yell and Brownie and Maddy, but was too tired to even do that (plus I knew better that it won’t do any good.. surprisingly my head is still working)
Anyway, I decided that I can’t handle putting Maddy in her crib at the time and having to deal with getting up every 15 mins to pat her and calm her down, so I gave in and rock her to sleep on our couch in the living room (did I mention that her room smells like dog pee pee now). She curled up and hugged me in her sleep. Brownie also jumped on the couch and lay down next to my legs.
They are so cute and so sweet when they sleep. We didn’t wake up until 7:30 this morning… totally messed up Maddy’s three-hour schedule. Oh well.
Our church small groups started the ‘Meals on Wheel’ to bring us dinner twice a week to help out with our hectic schedule today. We even had baby Araon (well, not baby baby any more) to ‘baby-sit’ Brownie and keep her company today. Joe and I are very thankful to we feel extremely blessed to have the extended family here to help us. Joe kept on saying ‘I love this church’ after dinner, but I think he really loved the yummy dinner that Ken/Christine brought us.
Since all the grandmas has left, we ‘re-started’ our training on Maddy with her skills to fall asleep by herself and calm down by herself. This is the third day mommy tried everything she knows and I’m beginning to think that Maddy is the 5% babies who are unable to be trained (according to baby wise, there are some babies fall into the untrainable category). Sometimes I get so tired, it’s so much easier to hold Maddy and have her sleep in my arm than getting up every 10-15 mins to calm her at her crib. Sometimes I think I’m being trained by my little stubborn baby.
Joe and I got some more gagets to try out.. a bouncer and a Baby Shakespear DVD. We’ll see if they help.